I said to someone recently "Good smokey peaty scotch ‘feels’ like liquid tragedy to me. Sometimes I sip it and Narberth imagine the malfeasance of the world burning around me…chuckling wryly as I nurture visions of ashes falling in the cup and giving it that flavor. Other times I enjoy the hell out of it and become unburdened." I stand by my assessment ;) First off, I am not a victim of my life, but I am a victim of adultery. Did I play a part in the problems of the relationship, yes. But I am not responsible for her cheating. I understand temptation. I've been tempted and when I did, I put distance between myself and the person who I felt drawn by, because I knew it could lead to an emotional connection, and that could draw me out of my marriage. The success of marriage isn't about the bad things, it's about the good things. It's about intimacy. Every marriage has problems. It's the connection and that makes it durable to work through those problems. My wife lied to me. She misled me. We were in therapy when it started. She asked me for favors that were for him. I've been misled. There are a lot of things I figured out, after the fact. I've been blamed enough. I've already heard from her friends that if she cheated it was my fault or it was the relationships' fault, and frankly that's a way to avoid responsibility. I did play my part in the problems. But I did not betray a trust the way she did. I'm in therapy. I'm in the support groups, and I've been told how common it is to blame the person who got cheated on, and the one thing I've learned is that it is not my fault she cheated.